I can't be helped
by FandomCoffee
Summary: Izuku Midoriya has been suffering from depression ever since he was told he'd never have a quirk, but after years of suffering he learned how to cope with it. So once he arrived at U.A. Highschool, his depression was something that didn't need to be mentioned. But when his mom left for the week, Midoriya feels himself falling apart once again, leaving him one way to e blade.
1. Chapter 1

Footsteps echoed through the hall followed by short slightly heavy breaths as Midoriya sped walked through the halls after sprinting to the school from the train.

 _is gonna kill me…_

He thought as he faced the classroom door, trying to calm down his breathing. He didn't really know what time it was, he was hoping his teacher was already taking his nap and the class was just joking around but he knew he got his hopes up for nothing as he slid the door open slowly.

He felt every pair of eyes fall on him and the room go completely silent as the door fully opened, his heart rate went through the roof as everyone just stared at him.

"S-Sorry I'm late! I-I had m-missed the first train…" Midoriya said quickly with a hint of nervousness in his voice as he bowed.

"I don't care just go to your seat."

Midoriya glanced up as he heard Aizawa's emotionless voice.

Every pair of eyes still rested on him as he nodded quickly and scurried to his seat.

As soon as he landed in it he set down his bag and Aizawa went back to talking, but Izuku didn't really even hear him. It just sounded muffled as he gripped his wrist tightly to calm his trembling hands.

Normally he wouldn't mind having so much attention on him, the sports festival had helped ease that fear even, but...this week was not the week for attention...if anything he just wanted to sit at home alone all week.

He continued to grip his wrist as he kept his eyes down and closing them. He felt his mind get foggy and blank, Aizawa's words just went through one ear and out the other.

Hours seemed to go by but after just a few minutes he felt someone flick his forehead making him look up to face Bakugou.

"K-Kacchan…"

"Like hell you missed the train, I always find you there 20 minutes early."Bakugou growled at him. Midoriya flinched slightly and glanced around, people were sitting in groups and talking, Aizawa was taking his nap so that technically meant it was social time.

"I-I just slept in…"

Midoriya said smiling nervously, he tensed as he heard Bakugou click his tongue.

"What's wrong with your wrist Deku." He growled a little loud. Midoriya flinched and glanced down, seeing that he was still gripping his wrist tightly.

Quickly releasing it he smiled and laughed nervously.

"K-Kacchan nothing i-is wrong I swear! So d-don't worry!" He said shaking his hands quickly.

"Deku I swear to God if your cu-"

"W-Well I'm gonna g-go ask I-Iida what I m-missed! B-Bye Kacchan!"

Midoriya said quickly, slamming his hands on his desk before Bakugou could finish his sentence and quickly walking over to Iida and Ochako.

"Was Bakugou being a jerk to you Deku?!" Ochako asked as soon as Midoriya arrived over to his friends.

He laughed a little and rubbed the back of his head.

"No we were just talking about something…"

Something he knew Ochako would flip out about if she knew.

"I'm surprised you were late Midoriya, your usually very early or right on time." Iida said gesturing with his hands like he normally does.

"Like I said I had just missed the train because I slept in."

Midoriya hated to lie to his friends but he knew he'd never tell them about any of this.

"Had you stayed up late last night Deku?"

"Yeah I didn't really get the homework."

"You could have called us for help Midoriya."

"Yeah but it was pretty late…"

Midoriya loved this, being able to talk to people normal without being made fun of, talking to people who didn't beat him up afterwards, people who didn't give him notes telling him to kill himself.

He listened and talked with his friends and glanced back at Bakugou and smiled lightly. He knew his aggressive childhood friend was worried about him, though he'd never admit it, he also would get incredibly pissed whenever someone besides him beat him up or told him to kill himself or anything along those lines.

"Wait Deku you are going to be taking place in the rescue training right?"

Midoriya snapped back to reality and looked at her.

"Rescue training?" He asked quietly.

"You weren't here for the information but after lunch Class 1-A will be taking place in disaster training to make up for the training we missed when the League of Villains attacked." Midoriya felt himself flinch when Iida mentioned the group, he reached up and touched the bruises on his neck. It had been about two days since Shigaraki had left the bruises and threatened the entire mall of people.

"S-Sounds great!" Midoriya said smiling nervously, he must've still been touching the bruises because Ochako noticed and her face saddened slightly.

"They said they're beefing up security this time. So don't worry about it okay?" She said in a soft tone and smiling slightly. Midoriya flinched and quickly brought his hand to his side as he nodded with a fake smile plastered on his face.

Ochako simply nodded and smiled even brighter now.

"Maybe you should go see recovery girl if the bruises are bothering you." Iida said placing a hand on his shoulder, making Midoriya flinch and grit his teeth slightly.

"I-I really am fine…" He began and stepped out of arm length so Iida's hand fell off his shoulder. "They aren't b-bothering me, just whenever someone t-touches them it aches a little." He finished with a stammering voice, he ignored the stinging and throbbing his shoulder gave off to him and gave a nervous smile.

Iida and Ochako glanced at each other but smiled back and nodded.

His shoulder kept throbbing but he attempted to ignore it, the small shoulder squeeze from Iida couldn't have been enough…

"I-I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick…" Midoriya said quickly, leaving the room before Ochako or Iida could ask questions.

He sprinted to the nearest bathroom and locked himself in a stall, gritting his teeth and holding his shoulder to attempt to bear with the pain.

 _I-I just have to make sure it's not bleeding…_

He thought as he undid his uniform and lowered it down so just his shoulders were visible.

He glanced at the side of his shoulder and sighed in pain.

 _God Dammit..._


	2. Chapter 2

Several large long scars littered his shoulder, along with several small and new cuts. One of the smaller newer cuts was bleeding slightly, probably because of the shoulder squeeze Iida had given him.

Midoriya sighed in slight pain on more and grabbed some toilet paper and began to press it down on the cut. He gritted his teeth, it may have been small but it sure hurt like hell.

"Damn…" He muttered softly and smiling in pain, the bleeding had stopped and he chucked the bloody piece of toilet paper in the toilet and flushing it.

He pulled his shirt back up and began to redo the buttons on his shirt as he walked out of the stall. Looking at himself in the mirror as he redid his tie, he had always struggled with it for some reason.

"Midoriya?"

He flinched and whipped around to face Todoroki standing in the door looking at him, he had tensed up majorly thinking it was Bakugou to come check on him for some reason, so the sight of Todoroki calmed him slightly.

"T-Todoroki...you startled me." Midoriya replied after a few second and smiling in slight relief. Todoroki looked at him with his normal emotionless expression, his hands remaining in his pockets.

"Iida sent me, he said you left in a rush and Ochako was getting worried." Todoroki said walking up to him. Midoriya tensed up again, he remembered how good Todoroki was at noticing little things, like how grief stricken Iida had been about his brother.

"S-Sorry…"

"Having trouble with your tie again?"

Midoriya flinched at the small comment, glancing down at his half tied tie and laughed fakely, Todoroki really did notice everything.

"Y-Yeah I was redoing it since i-it looked a little weird…" He lied, smiling slightly.

Todoroki sighed and walked up to him, Midoriya had to summon all of his will power not to tense when he grabbed the tie lightly and began to do it.

"Watch how I do it so you know how next time." Todoroki said not looking up from the tie, Midoriya simply nodded and watched and his friend fluently tied it.

"There." Todoroki said stepping back slightly, Midoriya smiled at him softly.

"Thank you Todoroki."

He simply replied with a nod and began to leave the bathroom.

"You better hurry up, you'll miss class."

Midoriya glanced at himself in the mirror again and looked back at Todoroki, nodding quickly and walking after him as they went to class, walking in an almost comfortable silence.

Once they walked in everyone was getting in their seats, Aizawa just waking from his nap and undoing his sleeping bag.

Midoriya began to walk over to his desk before Todoroki raised his hand and placed in on his head.

"Meet me after class." He muttered before removing his hand and walking to his own seat. Midoriya watched him in slight confusion before shaking his head slightly and walking over to his own desk, leaving him to his thoughts.

 _What does Todoroki want? I definitely didn't do anything that could have angered him…_

Midoriya's mind wondered as he sat there, he was so caught up in his thoughts he didn't notice Bakugou staring at him with the look of death in his eyes.

He finally glanced up and froze when he saw Bakugou's eyes.

"K-Kacchan?!" He whisper yelled as he backed up in his seat.

"What the hell were you doing in the bathroom for so long Deku." Bakugou said a little too loudly. Midoriya flinched as some people glanced over, Aizawa was still waking up so he wasn't paying much attention to anything.

"U-Using the bathroom...w-what else would I be doing?" Midoriya said keeping his eyes down as they widened in fear.

"Last time you spent so much time in the bathroom you tried to frickin kill yourself." Bakugou growled loudly. Midoriya froze as he felt almost every pair of eyes on him.

"W-What…"

"You tried to bleed yourself out Deku, that's why I asked earlier about your wrist you dumbass."

Midoriya felt his entire gut drop, his eyes going even wider, everyone had to hear, no one couldn't have heard, they were going to know, they were going to know everything.

"I-I have no c-clue what you're talking about…" Midoriya said smiling in horror as he stared at his desk.

"Eh? Are you really that much of a dumbas-"

"I told you I have no idea what the hell your talking about!"

Midoriya screamed slamming his hands on his desk, everyone in the room froze including Aizawa.

Midoriya breathed heavily as he stared at the desk, he was full of panic and self hate, why did Bakugou have to say that...why did he have to say it outloud why?

He grabbed his bag quickly and began to sprint out of the room, ignoring all of the people who were calling his name for him to stop and come back. He just kept sprinting down the hall.

Pain shot through his entire body as he ran into a large figure and fell to the ground with a loud thump, even more panic raising into his mind as he saw who it was.

"Don't you have class young Midoriya?"


	3. Chapter 3

Midoriya froze at the voice of All Might, he glanced up and saw the Number 1 hero's strong body freeze when he saw his face.

Tears ran down it and his entire body trembled, he must've looked like a train wreck, considering the fact he probably had bags under his eyes.

"Midoriya what happened." All Might asked crouching down, he was transformed so he should have looked like a comforting symbol to him right now, but...All Might was the last thing he wanted to see right now.

He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and ran past All Might, gripping his bag tightly. He ignored All Might yelling at him and just ran out of the school. His chest burned as he ran.

 _Home...I need to go home...I wanna get away from here…_

Midoriya had actually got on a train was riding home, keeping his eyes down as he held his bag on his lap.

 _I can't believe I'm actually skipping…_

He pulled out his phone and looked through it, he had a ton of messages from his friends asking him if he was okay, or where he was or what was happening. Even Bakugou had texted him, telling him to get his ass back to class.

He turned the device off and shoved it back in his pocket.

 _Dammit Kacchan...God Dammit…_

Tears still dripped down his face, the train was mostly empty, mostly full of adults on their way to work.

It was soon his stop so he stood and waited by the door.

He walked off and kept his eyes down, it reminded him of when he was in middle school, walking home alone from bullies, his chest still ached and his shoulder stung, he must have pulled some of his cuts open again.

As he entered his house he didn't hear the familiar sound of his mother greeting him, seeing as she was gone for the week...just perfect.

He dropped his bag right in the entryway before walking to the kitchen, going to the cabinet and reaching up but stopping as he was about to grab an empty container.

 _Right...I'm all out of medicine._

His eyes fell to the counter along with his hand. He watched as his tears fell onto the counter, watching them gather in a small puddle.

He glanced over to the drawer of utensils, the drawer containing all of the knives of course had a large lock over it. Midoriya just looked at it with dull eyes and tears still falling down his face.

He knew he should be at class right now, he knew he shouldn't have run away but what was he supposed to do? Just admit the fact that he had cut his wrists all the time when he was younger? That he had tried killing himself in his 3rd year of middle school?

He hadn't been lying when there was nothing wrong with his wrists, he had learned that cutting his wrists was too obvious, so he had moved on, keeping a knife in his room that his mom had no clue about. He had been using it for the past two days, cutting on the edge and tops of his shoulders and down his arms, along with his thighs.

Midoriya felt himself shrinking down the floor, only to hide his head in his arms as he pulled knees close to his chest. He knew this week was going to be hell, this had all started two days ago, when he felt helpless against Shigaraki in that mall.

He had been struggling with this god awful depression ever since he was 10, a few years after the fact he'd never have a quirk set in. It got so bad to the point where his mother didn't trust him around anything sharp whatsoever even now when he was 15 year old.

He had started cutting his wrists when he had been 11, finding out that cutting was an easy way for him to relieve himself of everything.

But things just got worse, he kept cutting, never gave his wounds chances to heal so he started cutting in other places. He basically covered in scars now, only a few of them from hero training.

The doctors had prescribed him a strong Antidepressant medicine that his mom had to watch him take to make sure he didn't overdose to kill himself, his mom was also the only person who could buy the medication. But she was gone this week on a cruise with Bakugou's mom, just to celebrate the fact that they thought their kids were getting along.

He felt his shoulders heave as he let out a choked sob, his emotions overtook him as he sat there in a feeble position. This was normal for him, small emotional breakdowns but usually he had his mom to comfort him, not this week.

He opened his tear filled eyes fully and froze. He was alone, Bakugou definitely would just beat him up about it, and there wasn't anyone else who knew.

He sat there, stunned at the thought before glancing up. He hated this feeling, he wanted it out, he wanted this never ending depression to get out.

He stood up slowly and began making his way to his room, no motivation behind his steps whatsoever. Once he reached his room he opened his door and entered, glancing at his bed.

"I want it out…" He mumbled out loud, repeating his thoughts. He crouched down quickly and reached under his bed, his hand finding what he needed.

He pulled it out and he looked as the item rested in his hands, the blade gleamed slightly in the light coming in through his cracked door.

Holding the long kitchen blade in one hand, he undid his neatly done tie and dropped it to the floor, he began to undo his school uniform, unbuttoning it almost all the way and letting it fall down to when his elbows were the only thing holding his undershirt and school uniform jacket up were his elbows.

He knew he shouldn't be doing this, he knew it was against what his mother wanted…what anyone wanted for him…but his mind was blank, nothing was registering…nothing.

Nothing really entered his mind until he felt the cold, thin texture of the blade against the tender skin of his shoulder. The skin was still raw from all of the fresh cuts and several of the scars had been cut over and seemed to be opening up again.

 _Dammit…_


	4. Chapter 4

"Shit!"

The knife clattered onto the floor as Midoriya threw his hand over the slice he had mistakenly cut on his neck, blood dripping out of the cut and it stung horribly, he had cut right over the bruise for some reason.

He stood up on shaky legs as blood dripped down his entire arm, there were several new cuts on his shoulder and leading down his arm.

He stumbled to the bathroom with a washcloth and looked at himself in the mirror. His teeth grinded against each other as self hatred filled his brain and soul.

Quickly he began to clean the cuts, covering them in thick white bandages to make sure they would stop bleeding, he still had the washcloth clamped against his neck.

He removed it slowly and gritted his teeth, grabbing the roll of bandages and quickly wrapping them around his neck, covering up the bruises to make it look like he just didn't want to see the them.

He hadn't got blood on his uniform thankfully but he was going to have to get fresh clothes on, there was no way he was going back to school even if there was half of it left.

Stumbling into his room, he dug through his closet and found a pair of long loose pants and one of his dads old shirts that he would wear when he lazed around the house. It was still too big for him but it was the only he would wear right now just in case blood seeped through the bandages.

"Why am I such a damn idiot…" He muttered to himself as he walked to the kitchen rubbing his dizzy head. He rummaged through the cupboards and found himself some instant ramen.

He was supposed to go to Bakugou's house to eat since he had no clue how to cook whatsoever, (plus the fact that he was locked off from almost every cooking utensil in the house), but there was no way in hell he was going to his house.

"What am I gonna tell …just walk up to him, Oh hey sorry I ran off yesterday! Kacchan was just being an asshole and I had to run home before I had a freaking breakdown in front of the entire class!" He yelled as he turned the stove on with anger.

He poured the water in the pot and kept his eyes on the boiling water as he poured the noodles in and adding the flavor packet after a minute or two.

"They're probably gonna send me to the counselors office…the school doesn't know I used to cut and the fact that I'm relapsing really isn't gonna help my case…" He mumbled to himself, stirring the noodles slowly after he set a timer for a few minutes.

He did this often when he was alone at home, had small conversations with himself and not really resolving anything.

"Todoroki also had wanted to talk to me after class…and I ran out. God Dammit Izuku why are you such a dumbass…" He continued to mumble to himself, so lost within his own thoughts and mumbling, he jumped when he heard the timer he had set went off.

He quickly turned the stove off and grabbed a bowl and a pair of chopsticks from the cupboard, bringing them next to the pot before pouring the fresh noodles into it.

He grabbed the chopsticks and bowl and walked over to the sofa, sitting down slowly and being careful of his sore shoulder and arm, his neck still stung and ached, the bandages also felt weird since it was the first time he had such thick ones around his neck.

Pulling his knees close to his chest he began to slowly eat his ramen, glancing at his phone that was next to the bag he had chucked on the floor when he had gotten home. It was right next to the coffee table so he didn't have to uncurl that much from his position to reach and get it.

He turned it on and was greeted by the familiar face of himself, Todoroki and Iida from the time they were all in the hospital in Hosu. He couldn't stop the tiny smile that crept on his face once he saw it, but it quickly faded when he remembered that Todoroki had wanted to talk to him.

He checked the time and quickly turned off the phone, setting it on the coffee table and pulling his legs close to his chest again, crossing his ankles as he did so.

He didn't feel like turning the TV on so he just ate in silence, he must've been on a self clock or something because right now at school everyone else would've been eating lunch.

"Guess I'm pretty used to the schedule by now." He mumbled through a mouth full of noodles.

Minutes passed by as he ate in a comfortable silence, he felt like this was just something he needed every now and then, his friends didn't bother him but he was just going to need a lot more quiet time to himself this week.

He briefly smiled to himself as he continued to eat slowly, not feeling rushed for once.

That was until someone began pounding on his door like a deranged lunatic.


	5. Chapter 5

Midoriya nearly chucked his bowl of ramen across the room as the banging continued.

He looked at the door and stood up slowly, setting down his bowl of ramen and pulling the long sleeves on the large shirt down so they went past his hands and only showed his fingertips as his arms rested at his side.

The banging continued and Midoriya sighed in annoyance as he walked over.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" He yelled over the banging.

Once he reached the door he opened it like he normally would.

"Jesus would it kill you to-"

"Deku!"

Midoriya tensed up in slight pain as he felt Ochako through her arms around his neck and squeeze him tightly.

"O-Ochako?!" Midoriya said in surprise as she separated herself from him, he looked behind her and tensed even more, he saw Todoroki and Bakugou standing behind her which made his heart sink.

Midoriya made eye contact with Bakugou and quickly looked away, putting a hand on his non injured arm and squeezing it tightly.

"W-What are y-you all doing here?" He asked quickly, avoiding eye contact with any of them.

"S-Shouldn't you all be in c-class?" He asked quietly but immediately regretting it when he heard Bakugou click his tongue, he looked like he was about to say something when Todoroki gave him a harsh look to shush him.

"We…well more like I should say Bakugou, came to apologize." Ochako said backing up and kicking Bakugou in the shin, causing him to wince and curse under his breath

"Well?" Ochako said in a threatening voice while a large smile was plastered on her face. Bakugou growled and glared at Midoriya, causing him to flinch.

"Look, I'm sorry for accusing you of cutting and everything else I said." Bakugou said sighing, but Midoriya could tell by the look in his eyes that he didn't mean a single word of it.

"I-It's alright…"

"With that all out of the way I need to talk to you Deku."

Another flinch at those words, Ochako must of noticed cause she glared at Bakugou.

"No you don't, we're going back to cla-"

"This is something important roundhead so stay the fuck out of it, I'll meet you guys back at class." Bakugou growled, and giving her an even more intimidating look than he'd ever given to Midoriya.

She tensed up and glared back at him.

"If you beat him up I will seriously murder you." She growled at him. They began to argue over the whole situation, giving Midoriya a chance go glance at Todoroki who was staring straight at him.

"What happened to your neck Midoriya?" Todoroki said in his normal monotone voice, the mention of it made Midoriya freeze, Bakugou and Ochako just stopped arguing and looked up at him.

"W-Well you see…"

"He's right? Are the bruises bothering you?"

"U-Um k-kinda…"

Midoriya glanced at Bakugou to seem him fuming, steam raging off his hands.

 _Shit._

Luckily Todoroki grabbed Ochako's shoulder lightly, causing her to look back at him.

"Come on, Bakugou has know Midoriya since they were kids, if he needs to talk to him about something then let's leave them be." He said calmly. Ochako blinked and glanced back at Midoriya with worried eyes before sighing and nodding.

"Mr. Aizawa said you didn't have to come back to class today, but Bakugou you'd better come back." Ochako said nicely before growling at Bakugou.

He just rolled his eyes and glared at Midoriya, causing the smaller boy to flinch and nod.

After a minute or so of awkward silence Todoroki and Ochako left, leaving just Midoriya and Bakugou to stare at each other.

 _Welp, looks like Kacchan is gonna beat me to killing myself._

 _Fuck._

 **A/N: a c K sorry for the really short chapter it's just I have a few things planned and I feel like it'd be bad to just start them right now, plus I've been sick and haven't been able to focus as much (T^T)...I'll try and update as much as possible in the next few days. Once again I'm so super sorry for the short chapter, I promise I'll try and make the next chapter really long! Anyway, thank you all so much for reading and see you in the next chapter!(´∀｀)**


	6. Chapter 6

The silence surrounded the two seemed suffocating so Midoriya finally opened his mouth go speak.

"Y-You can come i-inside if you w-want…"

He said stepping out of the doorway to let Bakugou in.

He watched as his childhood friend walked angrily through the door and took his shoes off in the entryway, walking over and plopping down on the sofa.

Midoriya closed the door and fidgeted with his long sleeves.

"U-Um Kacchan…about…b-before…"

"Just…God dammit Deku why are you cutting again."

Midoriya froze and looked at Bakugou, the larger boy was leaned over, his arms resting on his knees as he held the bridge of his nose with his thumb and pointer finger in anger.

"I-I…"

"If you say your not I will rip that god damn sweater off myself to check."

Midoriya gripped the long sleeves tighter, he didn't know what he was supposed to say. Bakugou wasn't giving him anywhere to hide or give out excuses, so he knew he'd just have to come out and say it.

But he knew Bakugou would beat him up afterwards.

"T-The scars…"

Midoriya mumbled, causing Bakugou to look directly at him with confusion.

"Huh?"

"S-Some of them have b-been opening up recently b-because of all t-the hero training…"

Midoriya kept his eyes down, he felt like he was going to start crying anytime soon, the tears already beginning to form in the corner of his eyes.

"You really think I'm gonna believe that bullshit." Bakugou growled standing up, steam pulsing off his hands.

"I'm not cutting again I p-promise Kacchan! I'm o-on the Antidepressant medicine r-remember?!" Midoriya yelled, putting a hand on his chest and gripping the large sweater tightly. Bakugou growled loudly and stood up, walking over and punching the wall hardly directly next Midoriya's head, making him raise up his arms in defense as he closed his eyes tightly, attempting to ignore the ringing in his ears from the explosion Bakugou created.

The sound of sizzling soon faded after a few minutes and they stood there for a few minutes, the only sound filling the empty house was Bakugou's heavy angry breaths. Midoriya just stood frozen in fear, small tears falling down his face as he still had his arms up and his entire body trembled.

"God dammit Deku why can't you just tell the truth for once?!" Bakugou yelled, making the ringing in Midoriya's ears just worse.

"K-Kacchan… p-please…"

"Don't Kacchan me Deku just tell the damn truth!"

Midoriya's mind went dark, he wanted to tell Bakugou but it wouldn't help…he would just call his mom and they'd have to return home and Midoriya would have to return to his therapist, stronger meds as well.

"I-Im not lying Kacchan…you have to b-believe me…p-please…"

Bakugou glared at him, Midoriya lowered his arms slightly to look his friend directly in the eyes, attempting to make him believe him.

Midoriya was trembling as they just stared at each other, he hated making direct eye contact with Bakugou, his eyes were always full of rage never kindness.

One of the many reasons Midoriya knew he couldn't talk to him.

Bakugou clenched his hands into fists and glared at the ground, he slammed his fist on the wall one more time and walked to the door.

Midoriya lowered his arms and watched as Bakugou shoved his shoes on.

"If…if you're ever getting depressed again…just…don't hurt yourself over shit like this just…just talk to someone…please."

Bakugou said quietly before walking out quickly, Midoriya stared after him in surprise.

 _The. Literally. Hell._

It wasn't like Bakugou to be so…nice. It left Midoriya just standing there with wide eyes and his mouth open slightly.

"I must've lost too much blood and I'm hallucinating." Midoriya said laughing a little and placing a hand on his head.

He walked over to the entryway and closed the door.

 _Maybe I should've told him…_

Several things ran through his head about what the outcome could've been if he had just told Bakugou about everything.

He closed his eyes and sat down on the couch, his hand still holding his head.

He laughed slightly again tears fell down his face.

"I'm such a damn idiot…" He mumbled as he smiled in pain.

His arm and shoulder ached because of having to move them so suddenly in defense but he didn't really care at the moment.

He raised up his hand and looked at it. " said I could stay home for the rest of the day…is that really okay?"

Mumbling again, he laid down on his back, his shoulder still aching and his head now pounding because of the explosion that Bakugou had caused earlier.

He began to feel his eyelids become heavy and his strength leaving him as his mind went blank.

 **A/N:...**

 **I'm so so so so so sorry for the short chapter again! I know I had promised a longer one but I've hit kinda a slump... See I write the entire story before I post it and usually go back through, edit and revise it once or twice. But this next part is just kinda...e H.**

 **I don't really like how I had written it even after like 4 times of rewriting it, but don't worry I hopefully will have it up by either tomorrow or later today(if I like how it's written...)so I'll try my best to make it happen!**

 **Once again I'm so super sorry for the short chapter! This time I promise promis that it'll be long!**

 **Welp anyway, thank you all so much for reading and I'll see ya in the next chapter!(•ω•** **)**


	7. Chapter 7

Midoriya woke up from his sudden nap to his phone going off.

He turned on his side but immediately regretted it when he felt the sudden pain in his shoulder.

Quickly grabbing his device he rolled back on his back and looked at it, he froze slightly when he saw all of the missed messages.

Ochako, Iida, Todoroki, All Might , even Bakugou had been texting and calling him.

He sat up quickly, regretting it again as the pain in his shoulder only got.

 _All Might…yeah I'll call him first to let him know I'm alright…I had just rushed out without explaining anything after all._

He thought as he was frantically typing in All Might's number with trembling hands.

He raised his phone up to his ear and found that he couldn't calm down…his nerves were going haywire and he couldn't stop trembling

"Midoriya?"

Freezing when he heard the hero's voice, he had no way to respond. He could tell he wasn't all beefed up in his hero form at the moment and it was probably for the best.

"A-All Might…?"

 _What am I supposed to say._

"Everything all right kid?"

 _Should I just come straight out and tell him?_

"Midoriya answer me."

 _Dammit…._

Midoriya clutched the phone tightly and tried not to let out the sob that was threatening to come out at any minute.

"A-All Might I-I…I m-messed up…"

He couldn't hold himself together at the last part, he broke down, tears flowed down his face as he let out choked and painful sobs.

"Midoriya what's going?"

He could tell All Might was definitely worried, his voice serious and his tone meant business.

"I-I…I'm so s-sorry All M-Might I s-screwed up…i-i'm such a d-damn idiot…"

He choked out, his shoulders bobbed up and down as he curled up in a feeble position once more, closing his eyes tightly and covering his mouth as he lowered his head so his forehead rested on his knees.

"Kid where are you." All Might said quickly, Midoriya could hear things moving around on the other line but everything was muffled so Midoriya couldn't make out anything in particular.

"I-I'm at h-home…" Midoriya said in between small sobs.

"Okay do not leave your house stay there I'm coming over."

Midoriya froze at the thought of All Might in his house, seeing all of the things that'd be locked off, plus he still had to hide his knife and clean it.

"N-No!" Midoriya yelled without thinking. He heard All Might stop whatever he had been doing. They just sat there for a few minutes, in an almost painful silence.

"Alright kid. You don't want me coming over yet your over there bawling your eyes out, and you call me like you're in some sort of pain. What is it you want me to do?"

Midoriya sat there, not really knowing what to say, he felt like he wanted All Might to be there but at the same time his mind screamed no.

"I-I just wanted to t-talk…a-about One for All…"

A lame excuse but he was hoping All Might would fall for it, it must've worked because he heard the older man let out a loud sigh.

"What about it?"

Midoriya held in the sigh of relief that rested in his chest and began to think.

"I-I've been thinking a-and…w-whats the p-point of having it i-if I can't help an entire d-damn mall of people…"

He said quickly, it was partially true but not really what he was worrying about right now.

"Kid we've talked about this there was nothing you could've done to prevent it. He was threatening you and everyone else you made the right choice."

Midoriya flinched at his tone slightly, he seemed mad about something, Midoriya didn't even want to bother guessing what it was so he just reached up and touched the bandages around his neck slightly.

"T-There had to b-be something I could've d-done…"

"Midoriya, there was nothing you could've done. If you had fought back against Shigaraki, he could've killed you and God knows how many other people."

Midoriya sat there, he knew All Might was telling the truth but at the same time this entire conversation was just making him even more depressed. He had calmed down slightly but he still felt tears falling down his face.

"Now tell me why you had rushed out of class today."

Midoriya froze at the small question, he had almost forgotten that he had rushed past him.

"U-Um…"

"Don't lie to me Midoriya."

He gripped his sweater tightly, thinking of an excuse.

"K-Kacchan had s-said some…things…" He mumbled in no more than a whisper. All Might must have heard him somehow because Midoriya heard him sigh.

"That's no excuse to skip class young man."

Midoriya flinched at his harsh tone but looked down, tears falling from his eyes still.

"Y-Yes sir…" He said quietly, letting go of the sweatshirt and letting his hand fall onto his lap. He didn't want to talk anymore, about One for All, about Bakugou, he just didn't want to hear or see anyone or anything anymore…or ever again.

"I-I'm sorry for s-skipping class A-All Might...b-but I have to g-go call K-Kacchan to let him know I-I'm alright…"

"Midori-"

He hung up before All Might could protest and dropped the phone before hugging his knees and burying his tear stained face in them.

He felt an urge growing in his stomach, it wasn't hunger, wasn't fear or anger…it was the same monster he had been fighting for years on end…he was starting the same battle all over again. He might've won last time but…but this time…he knew he had lost. He knew what he had to do.

His hands trembled as he dialed the number and pressed the screen up against his face.

"Deku? What's going on?"

Midoriya hesitated a minute before speaking, trying to calm his trembling hands and voice as he stood, and began making his way to his room. He stared at the bloodied knife laying on the ground for a minute before bending down and picking it up.

Midoriya let out a pained laugh and finally spoke into the phone.

"K-Kacchan…p-please…co-come quick…a-and bring a-an ambulance…."

* * *

Bakugou felt his entire body go cold when he heard the word ambulance, his body just stopped moving forward. Kirishima and Kaminari stopped once they noticed Bakugou had as well.

"What is it Bakugou?" Kirishima asked, Bakugou's usual face of anger was replaced by a look of worried shock, scaring the other two boys.

He shook his head and gritted his teeth, squeezing his phone tightly.

"What the hell did you do Deku?!" He yelled loudly, there was a long pause on the other line before he heard a soft sob followed by a little laugh.

"I-Its more l-like what I-I know I-I'm about t-to do…" Midoriya mumbled lightly, giving off a pained laugh. Bakugou heard something rummaging around and had a feeling of what it was.

Bakugou's face screwed up in a mixed emotion of anger and worry.

"Don't move a fucking muscle from wherever the hell you are." He growled as he quickly began walking again, Kirishima and Kaminari following in confusion.

"...s-sure." Those were the last words he heard before the other line went silent, signaling the call had ended.

To someone else it would have been the last words they would've heard from the person until they saw them again and that's what Bakugou wanted it to feel like but…then why did he feel like those were going to be the last words he ever heard from his childhood friend?

Rage erupted in his chest and he sped over to a certain round faced girl, grabbing her by the shoulder tightly and whipping her around.

Ochako looked at him with surprise written all over her face, Iida had the same look as well while Todoroki's face remained emotionless.

"Icy Hot come with me, round face and glasses call an ambulance quickly and meet us at Deku house." He growled before grabbing Todoroki's arm roughly and storming off.

Ochako stared after him, her face now twisted in fear.

"W-Wait Bakugou what's going on?!" She yelled after him, Iida just stared at them both.

"Deku's trying to kill himself again. And this time I'm gonna step up and save him, not be the one who-" He cut himself off before saying the last part and bit his lip, as he continued to walk quickly.

 _Not be the one who drove him over the edge._

He thought as he dragged Todoroki along with him, his fast walking pace turning into a sprint.

"Exactly why am I coming with you?" Todoroki asked in his usual monotone voice.

"Don't be stupid, you're the one who told me after we I got back from Deku's place you had seen the cuts on his shoulder." He growled. Todoroki sighed.

"And you want to talk some sense into him but you know he'll be scared of you." Todoroki finished as they arrived at the train station.

Bakugou growled at his statement, yeah he knew Midoriya was terrified of him…but he hated it even more when the damn nerd wouldn't talk to him about shit like this.

"Sure, let's go with that." He growled as the train arrived and they rushed on.

The train ride was awkward between them, tension high. Todoroki may not have been acting like it but Bakugou could tell by all the times he would tense up at the stops that he was as worried as Midoriya.

Memories began to flood back to him, he knew it was because of what was going on but all he remember was how loud the wind was blowing the day he had stood up on the roof with Midoriya. How Midoriya's had cuts and scars all over it, and how much it bled.

Bakugou gritted his teeth, he didn't want to see that ever again…ever.

After about ten minutes they arrived at their long awaited stop and sprinted off, wasting no time to get to Midoriya's house.

As they arrived the two teens froze as they saw a large strong figure standing in his doorway. Bakugou was at a loss for words while Todoroki's face turned to surprise.

"A-All Might…"

 **A/N: I TOLD YOU ALL I HAD SOMETHING PLANNE H**

 **Sorry that this is a little later than promised, I was really hoping to get it done yesterday but writing is d i** **well anyway I'll try and get the next chapter out by later tonight or tomorrow hopefully! Anyways, thank you all so so so much for reading! See you in the next chapter! （⌒▽⌒）**


	8. Chapter 8

The number one hero looked back at the two boys, his comforting smile there.

"Ah, young Bakugou, Todoroki. I was just visiting young Midoriya. We had spoken earlier on the phone and he did not sound in best health."

He responded in his booming voice. Bakugou gulped, Midoriya had been crying a little when they talked…he must have wasted all his tears on the phone with All Might.

 _Dammit…_

Todoroki opened his mouth to say something but Bakugou spoke first.

"Get the hell out of here." He growled. Todoroki whipped around to look at him while All Might stood in confusion.

"And why should I leave?" All Might asked after knocking on the door loudly, just feeding the flame of anger in his chest.

"Just get the hell out of here! You have no clue who the real fucking Deku is so leave!" Bakugou yelled. Todoroki and All Might just stared at him.

"Don't be an idio-"

"K-Kacchan is that y-you? I-I don't think I'll n-need an ambulance, I-I think I-I held back… j-just a l-little-"

Bakugou and Todoroki froze even more as Midoriya opened the door, his eyes widening at the sight of All Might.

The hero looked down and his smile quickly faded once he got a glimpse of Midoriya's wrist and…just a glimpse of Midoriya in general.

A blood soaked towel was draped over this wrist but that wasn't the only place that need the sopping towel, the bandages that had been around his shoulders and neck were gone, seeing as fresh cuts had been placed there.

 _Held back what the hell is that supposed to mean?!_

Bakugou stared in horrified shock at his friend, he looked nothing like the boy he had once knew.

Midoriya's eyes had gone dull as if the boys depression was taking over one part of his body at a time, dark circles showed off how tired he actually was and…the cuts...The cuts were everywhere. There had to be at least 30 or 40 on just one shoulder alone, two littered the side of his neck along with what seemed to be smaller cuts of hesitation, the scars that were also reopened just added onto the new ones. At least 50 or 60 fresh wounds on each of his arms, all the way down to his wrists, not counting the ones he had on the undersides, and all that wasn't even counting whatever cuts he had planted all over his body.

"Holding back my ass…" Bakugou yelled walking up to him.

"A-All Might…I-I…Ka-Kacchan?!" Midoriya yelled as the blond punched him hard in the side of the head, causing the boy to go flying back into his house, land on the floor and yelp in pain, mostly because of the pain from the cuts and the punch being combined.

Midoriya put a hand against his face and cowered in fear as he looked up at Bakugou, his entire body trembling, fear filling his clouded eyes.

"I told you to fucking talk to someone about this shit! Look what you've fucking done to yourself, you're a fucking mess!" Bakugou screamed.

"Bakugou calm down-"

"Shut the hell up! You don't know what the fuck we've been through…what Deku's been through! You…you have no idea…" Bakugou's voice began to quiver slightly, Midoriya flinched as he heard the quiver.

"K-Kacchan?"

Bakugou quickly wiped his eyes and glared back down, grabbing Deku by his seemingly uninjured wrist and pulling him up. All Might and Todoroki seemed to just be frozen, All Might's face was twisted one what looked like anger, fear, sadness, and confusion while Todoroki just looked scared for Midoriya.

"You…you ran out of medicine didn't you?" Bakugou asked, the quiver in his voice was gone and his tone much softer as he took off his uniform jacket while Midoriya flinched.

"Y-Yes…" Midoriya said softly, looking down.

"Dumbass…why didn't you just call aunty and ask her to call the pharmacy?" Kacchan asked, bunching up the jacket and gently wiping the blood off of Midoriya's cuts.

He knew he was acting different but…this is what had happened that day…the day on the roof. Midoriya had seen the soft side of Bakugou and never forgot it.

Midoriya winced lightly every time he patted the cuts and lowered his head.

"I didn't want to bother her…" He said quietly, his voice quivering.

Bakugou growled.

"Well now she's gonna be even more bothered ya dumbass." Bakugou growled, lightly hitting the top of Midoriya's head with his fist.

Midoriya flinched and closed his eyes, not saying anything.

Bakugou glanced back at All Might and Todoroki, both were smiling slightly, it was their first time seeing Bakugou in such a calm state.

"We're still gonna need that ambulance."

"W-Wha? B-But I'm fine-"

"I know your struggling to stay standing dumbass, look how much your legs are shaking, plus you keep locking your knees." Bakugou growled, glaring back at Midoriya.

The green haired boy blinked in surprise and looked down.

"S-Sorry…" He said as he fell to the floor, giving Bakugou a mini heart attack as he went to catch his friend without hurting him but only ended up falling to his knees as well.

"Dammit Deku!" Bakugou yelled. Midoriya laughed slightly and sat on his knees, looking at the blond with tear filled eyes. Bakugou stopped a minute as he saw they weren't filled with sadness anymore, there was a small spark of life there.

"S-Sorry K-Kacchan."

Bakugou gritted his teeth tightly, he wanted to see the eyes that used to belong to his childhood friend, the ones full on life and cheer. So that's why, in his moment of desperation he pulled Midoriya close to him, ignoring the fact he was staining his white undershirt with the other boys blood and hugged him tightly.

"K-Kacchan…?!"

"This is the only time I'm doing this so shut the fuck up." Bakugou growled, just squeezing his friend tighter.

Midoriya blinked in surprise but felt something come over him, he wrapped his arms around Bakugou and began to sob loudly, ignoring the footsteps of All Might as he walked over, and held both of them in his arms, hugging both boys tightly.

Todoroki watched them, smiling as he waited for the ambulance and closed his eyes.

 _Who knew Bakugou had a soft spot?_

There was no sound in the room except for Midoriya's sobs as he cried into Bakunin's chest, letting everything inside out.

Bakugou seemed to squeeze Midoriya tighter with each sob, they hadn't done something like this since they were kids. The blond couldn't help the tears falling down his face as he buried his own face into Midoriya's messy hair, trying to hide his face from All Might as the number one hero sat there with them, squeezing them both.

Bakugou lifted his face up slightly as he heard Midoriya take a shaky breath.

"I-I'm s-s-so sorry…"

Bakugou couldn't help the smile that crept onto his face as he hugged his friend tighter.

"Dammit dumbass…that's what I'm supposed to say."

 **A/N: Welp that's all folks! Hope you enjoyed it! It's my first time ever writing on fan so I'd really appreciate it if you guys could give me as much feedback as possible on how I did! And just a heads up, I will be writing a prequel story, it's basically the day on the roof that's mentioned once or twice, and a maybe a sequel? Idk I'm working on a lotta stories that are connected go this one! So once again please leave as much feedback as you'd like! Anyway, thank you all so much for reading and I'll see you in the next story!** **（・∀・）（・∀・）**


	9. Important update!

Hey y'all! So it's been a while I guess lmao and imma be honest I kinda lost interest in MHA-

But looking at the review y'all left made me so s0 happy that I decided to rewrite this entire story. I'm already workin on it a lot and I should update a new chapter really soon!

Thank y'all for stickin with me, and I love all of you!


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